Not a good day to be gay (vent)

So, hey. My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday and I really wanted to talk about it. It lasted 4 months. I know it doesn't seem that long but I really thought it would last years and years because we were unstoppable. We were soulmates, we understood eachother like no one could. But she slowly stopped being herself.

 I felt it in her text messages, it was almost like a robot repeating the same automatic things like "yeah, goodnight i love you too". I knew it because when she was really happy she would text me lots and always add a lot of emojis and she would let me know when she was missing me but it was suddenly different. She wouldn't even bother responding to me.

 At first I thought it was probably because she was very busy (we're not in the same school anymore so we don't see eachother often) or tired. NO, she just lost all her feelings for me and just told me yesterday. I cried and screamed like never when I saw the notification. She was my angel. I miss her so freaking much. I couldn't even sleep last night because I kept thinking about all our memories, photos, videos, long hugs, her beautiful green eyes, private jokes, the songs we used to listen to together or when we were missing eachother.

 I wonder if she misses me like I do. Was I just another "wonderful experience"? Who did she fell in love with? Me or the thought of me? I feel lost and betrayed. She was my everything. And I still have the shirt she gave me. Last weekend, she even sprayed her perfume on it for me and told me I looked so cute with it. At this moment, the thought of something going wrong definitly couldn't cross my mind.

The last time we saw eachother, I struggled really hard to leave her. I had to go home but just having to say goodbye to your lover is hard. Even more when you know you won't see them before a long time because you don't study in the same school, you don't live in the same town, you don't have the same schedules or can't organize hangouts all the time..

I just wish I could have left with a better goodbye.