Bastet.

are we doing this every now and then? is this what we are made of? always?

are you thinking of me always? as much as i do? i swear i do. a lot. 

one line and it could all go too wrong or too good. 

how did this happen (again)?

i feel like crying, i feel like. what do i even feel? is this what am i gonna have to work with the rest of my life? am i even gonna have that? god. i hate this.

i hate this.

am i trying to find something to fight for? to be mad of? to cry for? i hate to admit it, i don't want to, it's fucked up.

i dont want you to look too close, i don't want you to be so near me, makes me sick, makes me scared, makes me feel like you'll see how fucked up. am i even that fucked up?

do you think this fucking world is ugly? i do. do you think i'm beautiful to you? you're beautiful to me. dry your eyes and take my hand i swear we'll be fine. 

i'll bite my nails until there's no more of them. i'll bite myself until there's nothing left. just for you to dig me and take me and break me. please break me. 

please break me. i want you cold. i want you to hurt. it's all i can feel. please.

i'm sorry i can't be like everyone else, it's a special thing i knew about since the day i was born apparently. i'm sorry. if you wanna stay please break me, just once. 

Bastet makes me sick, but it only makes me sick because it's me who i see. The reflection makes me sick, but it's only because it's me. 

i'm not obsessed and that's the worse part. i'm fine. 

if i have to deal with all of this i will, if it gets shit off you, if it makes you feel better, that's why i'm here, that's why i'm still here. i can be your little freak and be there for you. I don't mean to burden you, maybe it's the way i think of you, i'm sorry, i don't mean to burden you with my love. i'm sorry. 

please make it stop. please, stop.

i can be your freak. 

November 2025.