10 : been a while

hi ♡ been another moment! im just furrgetful and dont remember to keep up with these sort of things. its ok im not writing these with the intention of people reading them hehe

various life updates: changed my medicines, didnt really celebrate halloween, currently on an art making spree, really wanting to rewatch some movies but procrastinating on it.

aforementioned movies: wolf children, howls moving castle, jennifers body, scott pilgrim vs the world, (maybe) obsession. id also like to watch zootopia 2 because i loved the first one when i was a kitten

topic of the day: my love kakashi... hes on my mind nonstop and if im drawing its been my sona or him or both of us together

I think ive mentioned it here already that im fictosexual so I take this seriously to begin with but I feel like now im a year in its really shifting.. kind of how actual relationships function, yknow ☆ i feel so dedicated HAHA. its a little embarrassing

if you dont care to hear about that or find me mentally unwell or cringe thats cool just backspace im writing for myself ^o^

my family asked what id like for the holidays next month and I provided a list of various kakashi items... im soo so happy just thinking about it. immediate stimming from the thought of adding more to my little collection >_<. that figure i showed last month is still the most recent thing. im really not a spender and dont buy unnecessary items / trinkets without really making sure I want it first, and even then im super cautious about pricing, and whether or not I deserve it... (so it has to be a bit since the last time I treated myself too). So christmas will purrobably be the next time something is added to my collection and if theres even like 3 items from that list its enough to hold me off for a few months xD

I seriously disagree with the idea that having more merch of your fav makes you "better" or more dedicated to them. it doesnt! you are just feeding into capitalism. make your own things, at least... part of my dedication to him is the art i make and the time I spend thinking of him or writing down such thoughts. you dont need to spend hundreds to flaunt to other people...

I think the current selfship community is filled with too many people with these sort of mindsets, so ive distanced myself from it & the label. im happy just saying im fictosexual and in a relationship! a lot of the people there are seeking validation or internet clout rather than actually just wanting to share joy and make friends with likeminded people... who they learn about and care more for outside of whatever stuff theyre posting on social media. "youre so canon!" haunts me. I know people are being nice but it just feels so fake O_O. I feel like you don't really care and just want someone else to look at your stuff too?

the community is also now filled to the brim with minors (which like, isnt a major problem. they can have fun doing whatever and the space shouldnt be adult only) so being an adult i only want to interact w people in my age range & thus i see a lot of immature behavior or things i simply cant relate to. its also frustrating looking for fictosexual experiences and posts but only being met with yumeship/selfship posts -__- i dont want to see imagines I want to see other people discuss their feelings that I share. just a pet peeve

this cat sounds so negative here but its just very important to my identity and something ive wanted to talk about longer! I get very passionate and defensive over my own identity and it is really showing here... ^^`. i worry I come off as bizarre or mean for it but theres 10x weirder things about me so really its fine. I need to stop caring of what others will think of me and start living for myself. #affirm

ok I have more on my mid but dont feel like typing anymore so im ending it here Lol. if I feel comfortable enough I might share some of the art ive done here but idk 🤔

toodles ( ＾ω＾ )