2:30 AM

I've been thinking a lot since 11 pm and have come to zero conclusion to my emotional distress and viewpoints on life besides me being bitter,sour,and overall a horrible person. Which I am. I'm not a good person and I know it. I've hurt people without realizing or I realize too late and I yearn for them to return but I know it'll never happen because I've hurt them badly and now they've gone and found other people better then me to be with. While I feel left behind due to my own actions and inabilities. It skews my perception of this world alot to the point of wanting to blackpill and hate everyone but I can't in the end.  A part of me still yearns and desperately wants to cling onto something ANYTHING for a reason to live just as they have given me that reason. It makes me seem pathetic and I know. I'm a man a I should act like one. But my heart is too weak and I'm too slow mentally to realize anything. I should in the end be put down like a dog. But in the end I know and have learned from my mistakes unwillingly  I just wish they could've seen the side of me that was changed. Now I'm alone. But alas I stagnate only myself in the end. Because I need to realize that the earth moves on and so does time. I must follow my heart and soul towards my own goals. Even if alone and in pain and never give up or give into my horrible thoughts. Beyond just the pain,anger, and all my sorrow I have I'll l always cherish the time I had with these people no matter what. Just gotta keep on keeping on. 

Todays word of the day:

"The best prophet of the future is the past."

－Lord Byron－