260628 | boys are so confusing

i currently have no one to talk to about this, especially not my irls.. the one thing i hate to admit out loud is that i am veryyy male centered. it affects the way i think and even how i behave. it is EXTREMELY embarrassing and i hate myself for it. whenever a guy gives me an ounce of attention (which rarely happens) it genuinely lifts my spirits and i feel so happy. i am suddenly full of confidence and the prettiest girl in the whole wide world!!!

unfortunately for me, most of this attention is temporary, only lasting a day at most. they are just tiny moments which i replay in my head over and over again fueling my daydreams and fantasies about being loved. when it's over a wave of sadness washes over me, and i find every reason to blame myself because i am the one who is wrong and he is some perfect guy that is out of my reach. if only he would give me a chance right? if only he got to know the real me!

well yesterday at 12:50am this rllyyy cute guy who used to be my hallway crush added me on snap (the one day i decided to sleep early). he graduated a year ago and honestly i hadn't heard much about him since. i was curious and when i finallyy did add him back we snapped back and forth ALL day. every time he would snap back i would take forever trying to take the cutest most perfect selfie in hopes that he would maybe fall in love with me and obviously want to marry me. towards the end he was even responding within minutes!!

very silly and wishful thinking of me, but i crave a fairytale ending, where my prince comes to rescue me with a huge elaborate display of affection for just me. and yesterday it felt like he finally arrived.

anyways, the veryy last snap i sent was around 1 in the morning when i had just gotten home from a party buzzed af but whatever that's irrrrelevant. i hoped that by the next day we could continue snapping and if it went well maybee id follow him on instagram, in order to prove how much i do in fact want him.

but of course, it did not go as planned, because as of right now i have been delivered for 15 hours......

WHYYYYY JUST what did i do wrong????

i wish boys would love me just as much as i love them T___T