4/8 rant about cookie dought

old spacehey post

why... why is cookie dough an ice cream flavor? because it tastes like Jesus's left pinkie toe?

because of its perfect blend of crunch and pastel textures that is only rivaled by cookies and cream? because everytime I've had it my knees get weak, I drop to the floor, and shed a tear of euphoria? Who knows, ask the milkman, its probably one of those though.

so... so you think actual cookie dough would be the same thing, right?... RIGHT?                      (you see where I'm going with this?)

if you said yes, cookie dough tastes like cookie dough ice cream, then you would be dead wrong.     it tastes even fucking better somehow.

I couldn't stop myself... who could? everything I wanted to see in cookie dough ice cream was there. A true more advanced predecessor. it was so fucking good I had about two scopes worth of raw thawed cookie dough

its their fault. its all their fault. ITS ALL THEIR FUCKING FAULT

I sleep fine but wake up to my lower stomach near my pelvis trembling, noises I've never heard before, much less that of a human, and even more less out of ME?

10 minutes before it feels like my insides have turned to water, I break out in a cold sweat and wait for the bathroom to open up. its taking every muscle in my body to not shit myself in my pjamas, and who knows, one wrong move, one wrong position, a flinch in willpower and I might have done it. but I held out and made it to the bathroom.

another 5 minutes pass and I'm in the bathroom, shirt off, pants off, toes curled and in an upward fetal position, still in that cold sweat while I shit out a gallbladder, my small intestine, a probably a kidney or two idk. thank fuck for wet wipes, I don't know what Id do without you

anyways I went to school fine except for the fact that I wasn't fine and my head hurt, and the back of my eyes felt dead, and it felt like someone sucker punched my in the gut, and I was tired as hell, and I was really nauseous and nervous, and my muscles kept spasming,and I was really hungry, yk fine except for the fact that I wanted to stuff two pencils in my nose and slam my head on my desk

curse you cookie dough

despite all that I still smiled the entire day, they need me to. but at least I got to see the girl in my Spanish class lift her shirt up when she yawned so it was all worth it in the end. (sorry for being a pervert Spanish girl)

also shoutout to the 2007 ,movie "into the wild"  because I think it had a scene just like this

"mascara"-wifiskeleton