5 - experiencing undertale, deltarune and touching some grass

welcome to my fifth diary entry!

during the past 3 days I've been seemingly doing a bit better mentally compared to 3/4 days ago! as i said in a bulletin, I think playing undertale played a big role in this. 
i finished it the day before yesterday! it was super good.

it was my first time ever playing it, and despite knowing some characters here and there because, well, i'm on the internet, i didn't know much about the story and i was experiencing most of it for the first time. 
i went for the pacifist route and becoming everyone's friend was so nice and rewarding. every character made me laugh, the story had me crying like a baby many many times.

i am horrible at dodging so even small monsters had me dying here and there. every boss took me so many tries (except for papyrus! thank god being bad at dodging and dying a couple times actually helps you skip papyrus), and i kept dying at that one very fun undyne bridge because i got super nervous and my fingers weren't doing what I told them to.
Muffet and Mettaton really made me have crashouts at every single try.
Asgore was surprisingly chill. as in, it still took me around 20 times, but at this point i expected to die a lot and had more of a problem-solving mindset. once i figured out how to strategically use my food i did it pretty easily lol.

i was surprised after the whole thing with flowey because i thought it would have me die more than any other boss, but i think it was the fight that made me crash out less than any other? maybe because it wouldn't make me restart from scratch after dying lol.
Asriel did make me a bit frustrated in phase one cause I had no clue whether I was progressing or not, and luckily i was, but i did die many times lolol.

but yeah, each fight was super satisfying when i finished it and i finally could spare/befriend/forgive the various characters and all. 
the ending was amazing and filled me with joy and warmth.
i of course went through the whole underground to talk with every character i remembered before crossing the barrier, and i of course went back to the beginning of the ruins!

i then got curious about what geno looks like since i'd heard the game judges you very hard for it, so i watched a full gameplay and mf flowey called me/the viewers out for watching and not having the courage to do it myself/themselves lol. but that gameplay confirmed to me that i could never do it. even killing a small froggit would fill me with immense sadness, and the scene with Toriel would give my therapist material to work on for the next 5 years lmao.

either way, i'm now playing deltarune! i am still not good at dodging and the change in fight types definitely had me struggle in the very beginning. i also struggled to navigate the uh. whole panel that opens when you press C where your items are for a while and while i more or less understood how it works now it still takes me some time to do things correctly.
i'm very intrigued about how the story will progress but i'm progressing super slowly cause i keep dying very dumbly and i get frustrated lol. not feeling super perseverant and determined this time around :'D
i definitely want to find out more about the characters but my slow progress is hindering that AGHHH  i wish i didn't have skill issues...

now, while i have spent many hours gaming and not touching grass, i also made sure to go out here and there to reconnect with nature! yesterday i went out with one of my best friends and we shared juicy gossip with each other on a bench in a park. we also went to a shop that sells second hand things (?) and we found very silly clothes. i also found an incredibly cool book that explored italian fashion from 1861 to basically today and since i love drawing clothes i really wanted to get it. i looked at the price and it was... 72€... so i did not get it. 
there were many other interesting things and books that i saw.
we then went to their house to have lunch. in like 8 years of friendship i had never been to their house (we mostly would hang out at my place or outside) so it was like unlocking an even deeper level of bestiehood and i was happy about that. but i was also pretty awkward because again, it was my first time there and we also ate with their mother and brother in the same room which made me very nervous (i think i have some sort of social anxiety or a similar problem). but yeah i'm happy that it happened and that i'm finally having a bunch of nice days after all the things that have made me feel sad before that.

that's all for today's entry!