anotha one

something i just realized is that if your mom truly never wanted you in this world, but had no choice but to carry you because abortions are illegal in your country is that it will fuck up your life from the start. look, i feel like i was never normal. every day i think about what life my mom would have, she probably would enjoy her life unlike now. i hate it when my family reminds me of the efforts my mom did and that i should never be disrespectful at her. (of course i'm not.) it's just i feel like because of her i grew up very disproportioned. i wish i wasnt born most of the times, and that my mom is selfish for giving me existence. get this, i'm depressed most of the times and feel like shit. i feel like it's because of my mom that i'm thinking like this. about the mental illness stuff i don't even know because my family doesn't have an history of mental illness but i show signs of it. anyway, im grateful that at least she's trying her best but seriously, i just hate getting reminded that my mom truly never wanted me, she wasn't affectionate too so.. yeah. i just feel like if my mom at least planned me, my life would have been better.