As a disabled person, I am not caged within this body

I have always been a little creeped out by the idea of being stuck in a body, within a brain, stuck with things I cannot change, illnesses and disorders that eat at my ability to think and to function. I do still struggle with that idea. But over these last few months, for multiple reasons, I’ve been loving this body and the idea of having one more and more. 

There’s multiple reasons for this — I am angelkin, I am handsome, and I know how to manifest. Me being angelkin makes me see myself are pure and pretty and lovely, even if I’m not conventionally ‘pure’. Being pale and fragile makes me feel even more like an angel. I think that my organs and how complicated they are makes me feel like an angel with a little part of the universe in my stomach, like the microcosm reflecting the macrocosm and vice versa. It also makes me feel better as a vampirekin. My more animalistic, biological traits and behaviours make me feel like the creature I am. I am so pure for being in a body, a reflection of everything else, a beautiful part of nature and the cosmos. 

I also put a lot of weight into whether I and others look pretty or not. I hardly have a reason for it, maybe I just want to feel validated by my fashion and face and have started projecting that need onto others. But I like being a pretty young man with nice hair and a nice jaw and a nice everything. How could I put cool clothes on a body that isn’t there? How could I brush hair I don’t have? I am so beautiful for having my lovely body. 

And with manifestation, I know longer feel stuck in this body. Even if my leg is getting worse, even if my iron deficiency and digestive problems are making me sicker after every day I’ve went outside, I don’t feel stuck. I’m having a bad hair day? No I’m not, my hair looks good because I said so. I’m not tall enough? I’m 6’0 because I said so. I am who I am because I said so. It’s such a freeing experience to finally realise that you are the creator, the supreme being of your existence. 

I’ve also just been loving the idea of having a body and organs just because I’ve been drawing them more. I do not think I am a disgusting creature for having a body, I think I’m an angel, I think we’re all angels for being the operator of these magnificent pocket universes. I am going to cry writing this. I love my organs I love my body I love everyone I love life I love my body. Your body is beautiful and my body is beautiful. I love drawing bodies and admiring bodies and I LOVE ANATOMY. i cannot fully express my LOVE. buying 200 biology books.