Best friends, better off as lovers

I keep trying to convince myself that I don't want you. I keep trying to fix an unsolvable problem. Casual relationships won't make this go away and neither will real ones. I love you so much and it hurts. Every time is see your face, talk to you fuck even think about you I get so overwhelmed with love. I've tried to deny this feeling for so long, chalking it up to just a small crush that I'll get over, but it's so much more than that. I've tried time and time again to get over you but it's difficult to do that when every path I take leads back to you. This wouldn't be such a big deal if you could reciprocate that just a little bit, but you can't. Your not gay, you tried it and you don't like it, and fair on you. I never want to make you feel bad for not being able to reciprocate, but I spend every waking hour wishing you could and I don't know how I can continue a friendship with you. It hurts me to know I can't have you, and that someone else does. Every time I think of you two together it makes me sick, and I have to pretend that hearing about him is fine. I remember when I told you that you could experiment with your sexuality with me and i regret it so fucking much. I only did that as a selfish excuse to get closer to you, I don't know why I thought you would actually be into me like that. I let myself believe you loved me, even though I knew what the situation actually was. I hate myself for that, it's left me with a taste of what I could have had if nature didn't fuck me over.