can i be your beacon or someone to relate to

i just watched a video about "forty part motet" by janet cardiff and george bures miller, where they have forty speakers each playing a different choir member's part. even through my bad speakers the sound make me cry, and then i cried some more when they said that some of the choir members have passed away by now, and then for some reason i was still crying when they were showing all the crazy things they've been collecting and keeping just because "you never know when you might need it" and i realized i was just like them.

when i'm old and when my photography is good enough and been around long enough for people to care about it, will i get to be in a MoMA video like that? does the MoMA even do videos about cool artists anymore? will the MoMA still be a thing when i'm old or will global warming burn up and swallow everything we love? maybe i just want to have a MoMA exhibit and be an artist that people actually like. but will people even know who i am if i don't post every day on instagram??? i don't wanna post every day on anywhere.

maybe i just wanna be someone significant. and i'm definitely tired of being the half-ass-ing asu online kid. nothing wrong with going to asu or online college because for a lot of people its the affordable and easier option, but why settle when i could go somewhere in person and have a real college experience and make friends and go to parties? why do this when i could go somewhere that values art as much as i do and go to a better college? like FIT???