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Please contact 988 if you need to, they are trained professionals and can remain anonymous. 

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If you're in a position where you could tell a trusted adult and ask for help I think that'd be the best option even if it may seem scary at first

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I stopped thinking about it after weighting all the pros and cons. There are mostly cons, especially because you can always end up alive, so there's no reason for thinking about that. 

Although I have to admit that these thoughts are something we have to live with forever once we have them unless you go to a really good psychologist/psychiatrist.