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idk if im misinterpreting this but isn’t that completely normal? most people dont an overly avoidant or obsessive partner. typically being one of those traits will evoke the opposite behavior in the other (ex: not talking to your best friend will make them check on you more, always talking to someone makes them automatically expect your company causing them to reach out less)

I don't know, maybe before you had a partner just look if you and your partner had something in common.

Where you guys really meet halfway in terms of personality and what you guys like and not like and what are your hobbies.

Before getting into a relationship you and the guy had been friends and knew each other for a good amount of time.

Then if that guy clicks then maybe jump into it.