Comments

sooo ill try to understand each stanza, please dont hesitate to correct me ! 

i love the first stanza, the transition (the flock of feathers = the birds) between the sky and earth (the strong branches) is very smooth.

the wheel, that i interpreted for time, will always move, and cannot be held back. a world cannot not exist, as in, nothing is not nothing, because it is nothing. an asserting position on our world that it exists. 

time cannot be captured, and the world lives (sun breathes = nature, the heart beats = the living). i love the link between the two, and how you give a "living" verb to the sun, and a "non-living- verb to the living. every living being wants to live, they want to be there because life is precious. i dont quite get the "be their own witness" part, but id love to hear its meaning ! 

the last stanza, i love how you combine fluidity with solidity, flow with drought, river with ground, i really feel the opposition in images youre creating in this last one.

i feel like the fluidity of how you read the poem could improve, for example, the 6th line comes breaking the fluidity of the first 5, which works if it is intended. "Moments can't be captured" is hard on every first letter, the lips need to make a very different position for each one. id personally add more ponctuation to take some breaths.

it is a very philosophical poem. i love the subject of time. idk if it is hard to understand because i usually read poems in french, but it was really fun to break it down, or at least try to !

is there a reason you decided to make 3 stanzas with 3 verses and the last one 5?