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i understand the pain!T_T I could try to help, everyone starts somewhere! if i may ask, do you have a particular subculture you aim to be apart of? or at least a vague idea like more dark alt or colorful alt? cuz it can depend. In some subcultures make up is very important, like gyaru, so if you're intrested in smth like that than you can start learning that, or in other subcultures hair is important, like scene has an iconic hairstyle and extensions so you can start with that. lots of the time it's kinda js thrifting through granny clothes and finding smth inspiring and diying it to be cooler, atleast for me.