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2 months ago (edited) Report 👍

Hmmmm; some aspects sound dangerous to me tbh.

I would be careful, it sounds to me like you are going to the point of erasing who you are, and blocking out parts of you to conform to someone else. When you look at Dante's layers of hell that sounds like some 9th circle treachery to me because it seems like you are actually betraying yourself.

If I combine this with your other blog about pre-guilt, that's a dangerous cognitive wombo combo to have because those are basically the two precursors that would lead to borderline personality disorder. e.g. you seek and desparately desire long term secure attachments so you sacrifice infinitely to be as compatible with someone else you like as possible. But then you try to get over the fear/pain of losing them/that strong love by imagining it's already over. When you allow your mind to constantly follow that pattern over time it then becomes the case that you won't care if those relationships you sacrificed so much for are over or not. This results in a cycle of constant self-betrayl to conform to the next person, only to sabotage the relationship by convincing yourself to not care enough about the very same relationship as a psychological defense mechanism to avoid pain before it happens.

I'm not saying you have BPD persay, just that those thought patterns becoming rigid is what seems to lead to that.  

Regardless of how you feel about this above paragraph. ^

I think it's best to be your authentic self, even if it doesn't align with most people. Being super committed like you to relationships is a GREAT thing! The best part about it, is that you only need to find ONE. Just one person that totally clicks with your authentic self.

I think you currently view love in a very one-sided way, when it's optimally a bi-lateral/reciprocal thing. Maybe i'm wrong though.

Also it's okay to not really know all parts of you or who you are right away imo, part of life is figuring that out over time. To reject thoughts and feelings you don't yet understand, is to reject fundamental pieces of you. That being said, sometimes human emotions/short sighted feelings/desires can harm us in the long run if indulged in.