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6 minutes ago Report 👍

Honestly, when I was going through severe depression, I felt such an urge to avoid seeking people who could help. I didn't want to talk to parents or doctors or therapists. But when I did, it made me realise how much easier it was after people made me get help, and what could have happened if I didn't, and kept spiraling out of my own stubborn want to stay in that headspace, for whatever reason.

Being medicated and having a much easier time communicating, all I can say is the best option is telling it to someone who will do something about it. I feel more hopeful and happy than I've been in a long time. It also helps to find things to anchor yourself on. Depending on things isn't good for you in the long term, but finding footholes to get back on balance is so helpful. Just remember your feelings are valid and you should never be ashamed of things like this, and that people will be there to support you, even if it feels like you're alone. I hope you feel better, even if it's graudal. Have a wonderful day <3

55 minutes ago Report 👍

hey! so i saw the other person's response, which was really perfect. i don't know how helpful this'll be, but i'm just more addressing the ED part, because i completely understand. the goal will never be to recover in a short amount of time, because sometimes we need long and seemingly slow recovery processes.. the best thing for you is to never try to go one way too extreme. if you binge one day, you might want to feel like completely restricting the next, which is why it's so important to try to stabilize yourself. i can't act like an expert, because i'm honestly stuck in this cycle too.. sometimes we end up holding ourselves to a standard or expectation in recovery even when we told themselves they'd stop, which is just the last thing a struggling person needs. it is SO hard to exit that cycle, but just by acknowledging it, you're halfway there :) continue the habits that you feel like haven't been working, because this is still definite progress! i believe in you

1 hour ago Report 👍 1

firstly, you’re already doing a great job just acknowledging that this is happening and taking it seriously. that’s important. self awareness can be a double edged sword, but you’re using it here in a very healthy and self preservative way. good on you!

i just want to remind you that recovery is not stagnant, and neither is healing. especially when it comes to bpd. relapses are common, but they are not the end all be all. even though this depressive episode feels so sticky and impossible to navigate so far - i know this and you know this - it will NOT be impossible and you WILL overcome it. 

you’ve got a good start going already with meeting it head on. even if “everything under the sun” that you usually do to help yourself hasn’t helped recently, whatever you do don’t stop doing it. don’t give up on it, and don’t discard it in a moment of black and white thinking because “it won’t help me, i’ve already tried.” that’ll just dig you deeper into the pit that is depression.

it also sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of anhedonia. i can sympathise with you there, been there done that. sometimes it is just damn near impossible to get one foot in front of the other when you just don’t give a fuck, and especially if you know you should. if any piece of your life allows it right now, try to break down your tasks into digestible pieces. don’t go in pushing yourself to just pull up your bootstraps and get to it. you’re already burnt out and exhausted. pushing yourself past that point sets you up for nothing but more pain. do. the. bare. minimum. you. have. to. in. order. to. get. by.

it isn’t laziness to cut yourself a break whenever and wherever you can when you’re in such a vulnerable state, and it doesn’t make you a horrible person or a burden. 

apathy can be a bitch, too. i’m right there with you, especially as someone who has low empathy in general. but being worried about not caring about anyone or anything anymore and recognising it as a concern is, also, a good sign. you’re not hopeless and you’re thinking about the right things.

you need to focus on self care, and i know that in of itself can feel like such a fucking chore, and “why should i require such high maintenance to function as a normal human being like everyone else?” the world isn’t made with struggling people in mind. there is no shame at all in making that space for yourself and accommodating Yourself when nothing and no one around you will do it for you. it’s your birth given right to make your life liveable for yourself.

if there’s anyone you trust or feel comfortable around, do your absolute best to avoid self isolating. try to keep up with your connections as much as you can, even if you feel like the last thing in the world you want to do is talk to another human being. you don’t have to burn yourself out doing it; which is why i specified people you trust. if it’s someone who understands, do small things with them. sit in silence, eat meals with them, make meals with them even, watch movies, do small activities, go for enrichment walks/drives, just do NOT let yourself fall into self isolation. you don’t need to take on all of this on your own, and the moment you give into that notion out of shame or fear or guilt, your brain will have you cornered and in a place where you’re practically submitting to its torment with little to no choice in the matter.

also, practise sensory skills. ice, sour candy, spicy food, sweets, soothing textures, shocking ones, you name it. keep reminding yourself that you are in your body and that your body is alive without harming it.

you’ve got this. severe mental illness is not an easy beast to live with, i know that all too well, but it is possible to live and not just survive. ^____^