Diary of a problematic person

Hey guys! Probably nobody wants to know about the life of a high school teenager with a part-time job and a cell phone addiction, but I really need to write this crap, so if nobody's going to read it, even better.

To start, I don't have any friends (wow, what a surprise...) nothing too unexpected, but when I say that I'm not saying I've never had friends in my life, I'm just saying that at the moment I'm alone, and probably for a long time. Actually, I had thousands of friends but they all distanced themselves. It's normal, I know, life is like that, people come and go, but I manage to make my friends distance themselves from me in record time. Up to this point, I think you've already understood what the problem is with no friends staying with me for very long, the problem is me.

And I'm not trying to victimize myself, I just think it's better to be a problematic person with awareness than a problematic person without a clue, don't you agree?

Actually, I chose the name "problematic" to refer to myself because I'm the type of person who problematizes everything, turning something simple and normal into something big that will make me cry for a week, and I hate that type of person, hehe, ironic, right?

Well, school is my worst nightmare. I'm stuck in a classroom with just over 28 students, half of them being former friends and the other half being idiots who wouldn't be my friends, and honestly, I prefer it that way. The more distance I have from those animals, the better. Anyway, all the cliques are already formed, and the best friends have already been chosen. All I have to do is watch this whole crowd chatting and having fun with my mouth shut. It's not like there aren't any nice people; there are people who notice my presence and even talk to me, once a month, but they aren't my friends. I end up spending all my classes drawing in my notebook, or writing (anything but what's on the board), or secretly messing with my phone, until finally the least bad part of my day arrives: recess.

During both recess and school arrival and departure times, I stay by my boyfriend LK's side. We've been together for 3 years, which means we started dating in the 9th grade of elementary school, and he was the only one who stayed by my side while my friends left. Before losing the friends I made this year, he and I would be separated during recess, me with my ex-friends and him with his. This makes me a little sad and at the same time doubtful. He's very attached to me, so I wonder if he felt bad about me replacing him with my friends. But now that I don't have those friends anymore, he's always with me during recess. So I wonder if he doesn't feel obligated to stay with me and leave his friends just because I lost mine. Because of this, sometimes I force him to have fun with his friends and lie, saying I need to do an overdue assignment. Then I go to the bathroom and lock myself in the last stall while I wait for recess to end.

All of this makes me hate school, and not like a normal teenager who only hates school because there are classes, I really hate it because it's awful to be like a plant all day while watching others being happy, that's why I prefer my house, which is ironic because in elementary school I preferred having fun at school than staying at home, but it doesn't make a difference, because I'm also like a plant at home, quiet without interacting, while I rot in my room, but at least I can play games to distract myself and read my BL to escape this stupid reality.

Honestly, teenagers are cruel and idiotic, high school isn't easy for anyone, will I be able to survive? I'm in my second year, I only have a year and a half left to finish, wish me luck.