Do I have a chance perhaps..

So let's say I used to have this friend (the drama's over now... I guess). She was fake dating my fineshyt for shits and giggles, making alt accounts to troll them. Yeah, I knew about it, but I'm the type of person who's like, "you do you," so I didn't really judge.

At one point though, I got lowkey salty because she was "dating" my huzz, and they got into an argument. ONE time I sided with my huzz instead of her, and she got mad as hell. That's honestly when I started looking at everything she was doing like... "nah this is actually weird." I think that's where we started falling out. She ignored me, I ignored her back, and eventually I confronted her and basically told her not to talk to me anymore.

I never really shit-talked her either. If anyone did, it was my Arab friend because she'd see the absolutely diabolical messages my old friend would send me during class. She was... a little odd. But I never hated her or anything TRUST.

I quit theater after we stopped being friends, but eventually I came back. My friend told me someone was staring at me, so I looked over... ISTG she was giving me the nastiest death glare. Buttttt liikeee oh well.

The good part is I got to talk to my huzz more because I was assistant stage manager and they were stage manager. I also became friends with some of their friends, especially this one girl we'll call her L.

At the end of opening night I asked L something about my huzz (I genuinely forgot what), and she goes, "They think YOU were the one bullying them with those alt accounts."

AND I WAS LIKE NGA WHAT

So my big mouth immediately spilled everything. I was like, "Their girlfriend doesn't even like them. She's literally the one trolling them, doing it for laughs, while talking to like three OTHER NGAS INCLUDING EDATING A  DISCORD FEMBOY." Don't even know why my huzz would think of me doing that cause like I try my best to be nice, and I'm very consious that some of my jokes can come of mean, BUT I'LL NEVER BULLY SOMEONE.

I then proceeded to send 60+ screenshots because I came with RECEIPTS cause momma aint getting accused. Some of my messages weren't exactly sunshine and rainbows either, but compared to hers? Yeah...

They broke up after that.

I apologized to my huzz because I genuinely felt bad for not saying something sooner. They basically told me it was okay, but I still lowkey regret keeping quiet for so long. I should've told them immediately instead of staying out of it. I honestly get it if they hate me or dislike me ngl.

Fast forward to now... we're kinda friends? I have their number, but I literally never text them because BRO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?? THIS NGA DOESN'T TEXT ME, WHICH PROVES THEY DONT LIKE ME ISTG (im loosing it)

One of their friends knows I like them and told them that someone has a crush on them and is crocheting plushies for them... which is me... I'm literally making them right now.

I saw them while volunteering the other day, and I mentioned getting banned from Discord because I just wanted to join a crochet server since YouTube tutorials are ASS. I thought maybe they'd pick up the hint.

...they did not or maybe they did, they just dont fuck with me

Realistically, I know I'm probably cooked. With everything that happened before, I wouldn't be surprised if they rejected me. Plus they've literally said they don't want to date until after high school, and honestly I respect that.

I'm still anonymously giving them the plushies for their birthday though.

Soo... am I cooked?

And if I can't get any closer to them, I'll probably just distance myself until these feelings finally go away.

MIND YOU.. I literally tried doing that with this SAME PERSON back in freshman year. They got a girlfriend, I got outed of the closet by some of my old friends--- we're friends now, panicked, and straight-up ghosted them.

BUT GUYS...

People change RIGHT

I'm out of the closet now. I'm trying to become a better person. I'm not the same nga I was back then.

Ykw I can lowkey answer ts myself I AINT GETTING HUZZ

if you are someone I know and sees this stfu you didnt see this, your life is an illusion