Do i let myself get played, or is it just my fault.

First of all. I am a people pleaser and i am easy to manipulate. I also fall easy for people that make me feel save and cared for. Theres my best friend, hes trans but thats rather unimportant. We met like 4 to 6 months ago i dont really remember. We grew close like really fast and i even faster developed feelings for him. About a month ago i grew the courage to tell him. He turned me down but told me we could still be friends. I was heartbroken and cried for days, i felt miserable but still apologized to him for making him uncomfortable and other stuff that didnt even need an apology. We had lots of deeptalks since then. He told me he was insecure about himself and that he didnt know how to love someone when he doesnt even know how to love himself. Inside my heart crumbled, thinking i could never be in a relationship with him then and i was so sorry for him too. But then he texted me like 3 days ago. He told me he would try a relationship, tried to love me. I was excited, happy. I wanted him to feel loved, i wanted to care for him. Help him trough his struggles. But no. I get a text from his cousin. Saying that he never wanted to be in a relationship from the start and just did it so i wouldnt feel so miserable just staying friends. I was destroyed. I cried for like 5 hours straight, sending him text after text apologizing for all kind of things. The primary topic being that i apollogized for pushing him into thinking i would only be happy if i was with him. I dont know what to do or feel anymore. I dont wanna hurt him even though he hurt me so much. I cant bear to just grow distant too. Hes my only real friend in school and all and i have extreme social anxiety. To the point where i cant go anywhere alone. And i love him just too much to just stop texting and just shut him off. I physicaly need him and thats the worst part. I cant loose him or ill loose myself. I also dont wanna leave him alone because he told me what he deals with. I feel so sorry for him and i feel so egoistic for pushing him into a relationship with me.