telling my gender feel so humiliating awmagawdd

this might jst be some weird ass internalized transphobia or something like that but telling ppl that think i'm a cis dude that i'm actually trans feel so bad to me, SPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE CIS MEN

i feel they will treat me differently when that hasn't happened, and at least in my experience all my cis friends have been very supportive about my gender and stuff. but i can't stop feeling like they think otherwise and just don't say it. i just have a big fear of being percieved as femenine more specifically by people my age and MMMUCH MORE SPECIFICALLY by cis men...............................

and i guess that scenario could happend, ppl treating me differently bcs of my gender is not an uncomon experience in my life. but my problem here is eurrhhmm telling it to people who haven't clocked me yet

bcs i don't even care if adults or older people see me as female, i've never expected much abt them anyways and i appreciate when they do see me as a man even when i tell them, a lot!!! but is hits sooooooooo differently when it's by kids my age.

all of this is so funny and confusing for me bcs i'm not even HYPERMASC or something and i do dress alt which in a way dooess(??) make me notably queer, ig dressing like i do makes me look more gay than anything LOL which i dont rlly mind at all since,, i am ,, but that's my sexuality, A WHOLE DIFFERENT THINGG ughh i hate everything idk