Media Corner:

What I have been watching, playing and listening to! 

Alright. It's time to talk about Coffee Talk Tokyo! I had just barely really started to play it when I wrote my last newsletter. I am about half way through it now. It has been so healing. And has made me weep so so much. Like an unbelievable amount of crying has happened playing it. This thing always happens with Coffee Talk games that I cannot quiet explain fully. But each game, every time I have played them, manages to directly touch on something that I am going through or needed to hear. These games are like an emotional hug that reminds you of the importance of being there for each other. WARNING SOME SPOILERS ARE ABOUT TO OCCUR

And Coffee Talk Tokyo without fail has been there for me in some of the most needed way as my life is in such a weird liminal state. Vin is one of the main characters we get to interact with in the game. They are queer and disabled and my GOD! When I tell you the representation of living with invisible disability is wildly accurate and so well done. It has been so emotional for me as a queer disabled person watching this character push themselves past their limits only to wind up bed bound for days all because they wanted to go have a good time and see live music with a beautiful woman. It has been so emotional for me to watch Vin as a character reckon with the reality of being disabled, the fear, the anger, the pain, the exhaustion, but also the moments of joy that happen with people. I’m getting weepy again as I write this.

Now I will explain some more personal stuff here because OH MY GOD. I literally have been dealing with the voice in my head that says hey you, you are too disabled to date! You cant hold down a job, are bed bound, struggle with caring for yourself and cant always go out and do the fun stuff that others want to do. I have dealt with the voice that says you are not good enough to go after the attempt of loving another person in a romantic way. Because you are supposed to bring something to the table. And when I tell you this game hit on that voice I have carried for so long. This voice that told me I am not good enough because of my limitations. Because we live under systems and a world that is not built for me. This voice that has convinced me that all the people have loved and dated would be better with somebody else. It wrecked me. Watching this character play back that same voice I have carried for far too long tore me to shreds, and comforted me at the same time.

What really made me heal a little though through this game in regards to seeing Vin in this exact same whirlwind I have been in. Is another character their. Listening to it all out loud. And this other character Ayame, simply asks “Well is this woman you like actually that awful of a person? Is she so terrible and cruel that she would see you are in pain and unable to do something due to that pain that she would abandon you? Give up on you? Tell you you are worthless and not bringing anything into the dynamic between you two that is good? Is that woman that awful of a person ?” And In this moment you watch Vin just soften entirely as they realize this spiral is not one of the truth of the situation. It is put in their face that anyone who thinks of them in that way would be a mean and cruel and awful person to be around.

And Vin in response says something like “No. She isn’t. She is so sweet and caring and weird but a good weird.” And It dawns on Vin that this voice the one that says don’t go for it because you are not good enough because this woman that you like so much one day will look down on you for your disability and then proceed to abandon or punish you for it further or worse resent you for it, is just a past wound surfacing. That it isn’t fair to the woman she likes. That it isn’t even something this woman would begin to do in the first place. And when I tell you this made me bawl uncontrollably I do mean uncontrollably.

There was something in this exchange between characters that I desperately needed to hear. That healed some of my wounds that also manifest in that exact same voice. And I now am really fully crying as I write this. This game has provided me something that I needed in ways I cannot fully put into words. It has held me, heard me, healed me. And I cannot recommend it enough.

Now to leave you with a quote from Coffee Talk Tokyo that stuck with me, “Between the loss and what remains we find a way to love again.”

Last but not least let me introduce you to something I have been listening to recently in regards to music. I have found myself not listening to music as much lately and that is something I am trying to change actively. I do find though that sometimes it can be a little too stimulating. Or boring. Like I need to find new music to listen to and fall in love with. I am extremely excited about a couple of artists that I stumble upon online. They are The Neighborhood Kids and Indigenous Cats. The Neighborhood Kids is a hip hop group out of San Diego that are using their music to revolutionize and speak on whats important that is happening and been happening. Their music is powerful and definitely revolutionary. Finding their music was like a breath of fresh air. Indigenous Cats is another hip hop duo that is using music to give voice to the revolution, to speak up on what is important and what has been happening. They are so good. I cannot recommend The Neighborhood Kids and Indigenous Cats enough. They both collaborated on a song called They Aim at Us. That I cannot stop playing. It is so powerful, and so good. There are no words I can use right now that do it justice so go ahead and just give it a listen yeah?

They Aim at Us by The Neighborhood Kids and Indigenous Cats