They Broke Into My Apt

2:00am, Sunday, August 2nd, The year of our lord 2026.

I lie in bed, attempting to dredge my way through a rewatch of the most dry, bland, ham and egg depiction of an otherwise badass character, Netflix's Iron Fist (2017). A tall dark haired beauty sleeping on the other side of the bed. The electric fan subtly rounding out the noise of the still night. When suddenly, my doorbell rings. I slink out of the room and towards the front room. The light of the hole on the door revealing no one standing outside. A momentary silence. Then, a banging ensues on the glass sliding door of the apartment, followed by an swift slide of the door stopped only by the advanced security measures I have in place (a piece of wood in the door track). I fly out the front door, unarmed, bare chest glistening in the bug riddled outdoor lighting. Three women approach, in front, I can only assume the leader. She had one eye, and the other refused to point anywhere near my direction. They all wore pajamas and bonnets, in this moment perhaps I should've felt relief in our similar attire. The large one in the back, the guardian if you will, held a baby, legs hanging out of his onesie, flapping in the wind on this beautiful summer night. The leader "looked" at me and spoke: "Condo lives here right?". Condo does not live here, matter of fact this is not a condo it is an apartment. I lasered her with the full power of both of my working eyes. "No, this is my shit (meaning beautiful luxury ground floor 1br apartment)" I said. The second in command, the one with no baby and no discernable personality spoke a soft "sorry". I turned my back upon them and went back to bed, too disappointed in humanity to watch any more of the disappointment that is Netflix's Iron Fist (2017).

Lock your door at night & always take the top floor apartment, And skip Iron Fist if you're doing a Marvel Netflix rewatch.