Lately I've been having a really tough time finding a Catholic community as an alternative person. With this new wave of converts, esp of college age, theres this weird return to Vatican 1 and traditional values, like we're ignoring that Vatican 2 was also by canon law the will of God according to Catholic beliefs. Idk ive just been encountering a lot more misogyny and homophobia and transphobia. It's kinda just turned into everyone trying to find a Catholic partner. I was at the Catholic campus group for a year but the vibes got really weird for a bit but i can feel my faith slipping and its just weird because the community there really helped cement me in my faith actively as a person who struggles in my relationship with God. I miss that community but the last few times i went there it just made me feel really weird and i ended up crying afterwards and i felt less and less welcome. Idk, im hoping it just took a few weeks for the new people to settle in to the vibes bc it used to be so chill, and im a relatively chill Catholic so I rlly liked that.
Idk, i just wish it wasnt like that, and i really want to go back to that community, but I cant tell if it was just settling in or if its permanently changed. I also really liked their bible study so it was really unfortunate to lose that
If anyone has some advice I'd love to hear it. I dont want to tone down who i am just to fit in in a religious community because then they're not accepting me the way God made me, they're just accepting the facade I put up. On top of that only a few people there knew i was aroace and agender and they graduated last year and everyone left seems WAY less chill. some of them would be fine with me being aroace only because they view it as being celibate, and i dont want to be some exception to their arbitrary rules against LGBTQ+ folks.
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Sai Mene
I'm sorry it's been this hard, especially since that group helped your faith so much. Please don't give up on it, or on the Church, and I'd also skip the advice to switch to a church that just affirms everything. That is some crazy advice for someone who wants to get closer to God, not further.
A few things that might help. Vatican II and Vatican I aren't opposites. Vatican II says outright that it follows "in the footsteps of the First Vatican Council" (Lumen Gentium §18), and it didn't change anything about marriage or sexuality. So people being more traditional, or hoping to find a Catholic spouse, isn't them rejecting Vatican II. You're right that Vatican II is binding, though, and you're right that anyone treating you with contempt is wrong (CCC 2358).
On being aroace: you aren't an "exception" to anyone's rules. Catholic teaching is about what we do, not what we feel or don't feel, and a celibate life has been honored since St. Paul (1 Cor 7:7–8). By Church teaching you're fully within the lines, not tolerated as a loophole. You should bring this up directly if they have issue with it. Technically, you're actually doing better than them on this part!
Being agender is the harder part, and I won't pretend otherwise. The Church teaches that our sex is part of how God made us (CCC 2333), so a faithful group isn't going to affirm that identity. That's different from rejecting you, though. The Church says every person's deepest identity is "the creature of God." That's true of you, and of every person in that group.
If the vibe is still off, try talking to the campus chaplain, or find a smaller Bible study in that group or at a nearby parish. Don't let a few awkward weeks cost you the thing that held your faith together.
servantofGod
Hello, despite your personal struggles i pray that you are able to find a community that can guide you to true catholic beliefs, with acceptance but without partiality for sin. You should first talk with your priest about this because it seems that you have been rejected by some communities. But by all means do not become protestant because of that. everyone has a cross and this is yours, settling for heretical beliefs in despite of what we know is true is not alright. but i am praying that you are able to find solace in the beliefs of what the church has taught us. God bless
truth nuke
by Sai Mene; ; Report
flowersnbullets [them]
Hi, I'm sorry you've gone through this. Homophobia, transphobia & misogyny really destroy the spaces where we're supposed to feel the safest in. I'm excatholic, but still appreciate much of what I learned while I was a member.
If I were in your position, I'd try to gain trust with at least one of the current members and ask them straightforward what they think about having queer people in the group. If that person is open to them, it'll be easier to express your discomfort and find ways in which the whole group can come together to be more inclusive, remembering that your religion is what unites you all in that space. I do hope you can still find community with them or with other catholic groups you may seek out. I believe there are queer catholic organizations out there, I vaguely remember finding some pages on insta. That's something you could look into as well.
This piece of advice may be less appealing, but I recommend you look into the episcopalian church. They stemmed from the catholic church & blended said practices with certain protestant beliefs, while keeping structures/rites similar to the catholic church. They're much more inclusive of LGBTQ+ folks in their doctrine. Catholicism is getting swept up in conservatism worldwide again, it's happening in my country as well. I left because I needed to find spaces & practices that actually upheld me as an equal compared to other members. So far, I have found them while keeping traditions that I learned while in the church. Nonetheless, I hope you find the community you're looking for! We queer folks often have our spiritualities denied due to our identities when we have the same right everyone else does to keep & practice our beliefs. Good luck!