Things I texted to ny bestie without context

My texts to my bestie out of context 

[ ] Just because you have free health care right now doesn't mean you should make it a goal to need it every other week

[ ] Girl, you didn't go night night, you went coma coma

[ ] AI LIKES PORN, READS THE EPSTIEN FILES, AND IS EMO😭

[ ] HA I HOPE CAT NOIR IS PLAYED BY MIKE TYSON

[ ] HELP MY MOM SAID SHE WANTS TO LIVE IN FLORDA SO SHE COULD, QUOTE ON QUOTE "we could get our freak on"

[ ] I got my unicorn hunting license

[ ] Oh fuck.......everyone's dieing today 

[ ] USE THEM LUNGS GURL💅🏻

[ ] Istg, if I was an ogar like Fiona or Shrek, I would just say "I'm bi-shrexual"

[ ] Girl, your sinus infection must be fucking you sideways and upside down

[ ] *in the tone in here comes Santa's reindeer* Dashing through the grass, Im comeing for dat ass,  though the vallys we go, you already know.....

[ ] GIRL, I BET BY NOW HIS ASSHOLE IS GAPEING LOOSE IN THE NAME OF AMARICA 

[ ] IT PROBABLY COLLAPSED DOWNWARDS LIKE THE TOWERS IN 2001

[ ] dusk, silver, and halloween 

[ ] I'm imagining the gingerbread man going "what the fuck, thats not a real ginger" IN THE GINGERBREAD VOICE

[ ] JOKES ON YOU, I ACTUALLY HAD A GLASS OF WATER THIS MORNING HEHEHE

[ ] Girl, they be getting rawdogged with sandpaper 

[ ] #atypicalcysticfibrosiscore

[ ] Did you know Saturn's rings are only the second largest ring system in the universe, the first is the Hollywood pedophile ring 

[ ] Your welcome pots and pans

[ ] Girl, as a former Victorian child that now haunts people for fun....yeah you are

[ ] Are you going to commit photosynthesis too?

[ ] I just shot myself lol

[ ] Girl....I'm telling the amish

[ ] Anyways I have zero survival instincts because after the game, you can only play once, I had to put something in water but I fucking spilled it, AND IM CHOOSING TO USE PARTS AS DECOR INSTEAD OF PUTTING IT AWAY PROPERLY 

[ ] SAM SMITH STYLE