late night walk withdrawal

sitting with a sick feeling in my gut. i think i might’ve spent like 2 hours on this site. i want to get out of this house. a night walk would cure me. don’t miss my mom, but i miss being able to walk late outside. especially now when it’s snowy, it’d be surreal. miss being able to wander into the playgrounds and just swing by myself, listening to music in the cold night air, nobody asking where i am. i remember the feeling of cars rushing by me, the wind from their bodies throwing my hair in my face, the bright headlights beaming on me. cant wait until i get a car. i just want to get out of here. me and my gf dream of escaping a lot. i find comfort in it. i really wish they aren’t empty dreams. i would like to make it a reality one day. hopefully by next year, when i have my license. i hope we’re still together by then, i like her a lot. it’s been one week since we started dating, and already, there’s been so much shit happening. our parents being crazy, my parents finding out abt my ed, them almost finding out abt us, our toxic exes still obsessed with us and committing literal crimes to try to break us up, spreading my private docs around, an ex talking stage hating my guts, my ex-friend breaking no contact, a fucking winter storm, what the hell is going on? why tf is everyone so triggered? does everyone really hate us being together that much? tf we ever do to them? bitches. anyways…despite everything, i hope we stay together a long time. i really love her. finally escaped music jail—i think i might have listened to Sober to Death by Car Seat Headrest like 4-5 days straight nonstop. it’s an amazing song, if it was a person i just know i would have a really unhealthy mutually codependent toxic relationship with them. listening to this playlist i’ve neglected for a couple months. i want to draw something, read something, make something, watch something. but i just feel like a fool. sitting with a sick feeling in my gut. overthinking maybe.