Everybody loves you

The past couple weeks I’ve really been thinking about something. One of my favorite shows of all time is Bojack Horseman. Mostly because it shows that not all things are happy endings. I personally might be a bit of a nihilist but parts of it do resonate with me sometimes. But there’s a quote that has me thinking about something. 

And one day you're going to look around and you're going to realize that everybody loves you... but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world." 

I try very hard to come off as a mostly happy person but here lately is been a bit harder to hide. I’m coming up on another birthday, holidays season is creeping in and there’s just ALOT of things that make me realize, damn nothing has been like I imagined things would be. 

I try to be kind to most people but I’ve realized something. Most people I’m around now a days have been pretending to like me. I try not to let it bother me but sometimes I get in my feels and it does get lonely. 

The older I get the quieter things get. The more I feel almost alien to everyone around me. I have one phenomenal person who does his absolute best to make sure I know I am loved and cared for. And it helps me greatly but sometimes, I wish I ment more to the people around me. Sometimes I wish I had friends in real life that I had more in life to look forward to. 

I know none of this probably makes any sense An I’m rambling but I’m tired and I just can’t sleep again tonight.