First loves mannn

I swear I miss what I had with this girl every day, and this was 5-6 years ago. I've only ever been in actual love 3 times and even that's pushing it cause this girl was the only one I know for sure was love and not lust/manipulation. God I miss what we had. It was like our love transcended time or space or gender or any shit like that. She lives in Nevada and I live in Pennsylvania, but we were still the best of friends even online, and we had so many stupid jokes with each other and played games together all the time and idk, we just LOVED each other, like we were inseparable. But she met new people and we got older and it tapered out. We're still friends, and I don't even want that with her specifically anymore, I just want it with someone.

Anyhow, this whole rant was sparked by me finding a sort of (lowkey funny as fuck) journal entry from around that time. I was 11ish i think and it definitely shows. The entry in question:

"Ok I just wanted to write so uh yeah my writing is nice but you know what else would be nice? Seven [redacted] me [redacted]. Like oh my god [she's] so hot and amazing I want [her] to lay next to me and talk/[redacted] me to sleep oh my god please. I want [her] to go to my school so we can ride the bus home together and we can both live at my house and we can play minecraft together and when [redacted] and then go back to playing minecraft like nothing happened and we can shower together and omfg that would be so fucking nice. I know we both love each other we're just afraid to say it and Arson keeps trying."

Right. Okay. Redacteds cause I'm NOT posting 11 year old me's great ideas and brackets around her pronouns cause she used to go by different ones when I wrote this. Also Arson was a mutual friend of ours.

Anyhow yeah. Sometimes I just miss it cause like wdym I was so in love that I actually wanted to cohabitate with another human.