Hanging out with some extroverts.✦ ݁˖

    At the moment, I’m hanging out with some extroverts because I need to get certain things done. What I find interesting is that highly social people seem to treat conversation differently than I do. They want to talk, but the talking does not necessarily have to be about anything in particular. They want to do things, but the activity itself does not always seem to have a clearly defined purpose. There is a kind of social momentum where the point is simply to continue participating.
    I have a hard time understanding how you go with the flow and get something done at the same time. From my perspective, either you are doing the thing or you are just doing whatever happens next. The social process seems comfortable with that ambiguity. I’m less comfortable with it.
    I also have difficulty with chat for its own sake. Chat. Why? Somebody asks for your opinion, you give them an actual opinion, and then ten minutes later it seems to have disappeared from the system entirely. Nobody remembers it. That is fine, I suppose, but I don’t particularly enjoy having dozens of small discussions that apparently have no continuity. I care about the words I use. If I say something, I usually know why I said it. I know what I like, what I don’t like, and generally why.
    Very social people sometimes seem more willing to adopt whatever the group is doing. There is nothing wrong with that. Group participation is obviously important to a lot of people. But I tend to have my own preferences, and I don’t see much reason to compromise them merely because other people are doing something else. Other people can do what they want. I would generally rather do my thing.
    That changes when the relationship changes. There are people for whom I will gladly do things I would not otherwise choose to do, but the relationship has to have some depth. I’m not going to reorganize my preferences simply because we happen to be standing around together having a conversation.
    Then there is the constant circulation of information. Very social people seem to talk about what other people have told them because, from their perspective, they are simply continuing the social exchange. Someone tells somebody else your business, not necessarily because they are consciously trying to gossip, but because information is part of the social material being passed around. I don’t especially want to accuse anyone of gossiping. I don’t want to accuse anybody of anything. I would mostly just like to go home, except at the moment I can’t.
    So I remain with the social team and the continuous production of chat.
    The strange problem is that if we actually came up with something substantial to talk about, I would enjoy the conversation. But substantial conversation can become personal, and personal conversation requires some degree of privacy. In a highly social group, privacy becomes difficult because the group itself is always present, either directly or indirectly.
    Then another problem appears. Someone starts telling you something personal, and suddenly you are expected to interpret it, advise them, reassure them, or explain what they should do. I’m not someone’s priest. I’m not their psychiatrist. I’m not their dad. Sometimes I’m just standing there having coffee.
    Still, I’m hanging in there. I’m learning something from it. Highly social people really do seem to need other people, not merely as sources of information or assistance, but as part of the structure of their daily experience. I can appreciate that. And I can appreciate them. ⋆🐾° ⊹ ࣪ ˖