HOW do you go about an apology

So without going into too much detail, after our abusive ex broke up with us we went into a GIANT psychosis period as per usual since we have BPD

And we were kinda mean to a now ex friend during said psychotic period whom we blocked and have never talked to again, this ex friend probably thinks we're an abuser like how our ex said and probably thinks we're the worst being on this earth.

We get INSANE horrific anxiety spikes when we think we see this person, we're so scared of them it isn't even funny cus when they make up their mind to dislike someone, they HATE HARD. So you can probably see why we're terrified.

Anyways, we kinda wanna apologise, we don't want to be friends again because we again are scared of them and they're close friends with our abuser and we still can't face him without having the most HORRIFIC mental breakdowns known to mankind - I'm talking full on relapsing Nd Jinx Arcane style breakdowns with crying Nd screaming Nd shit. Not fun. 

That aside, how do we even go about apologizing to this ex friend?? Our only contact is on here and we're like SUPER scared of our profile getting out to our school or this person looking too hard at our blogs. 

If we actually have unblocked this person, if you are reading this, no you aren't, this isn't our account, we are a !NotThem and you have never read this, in fact you're blind you can't see because I said so 🥹

In all seriousness though, please help, we really wanna apologise for being a MEGA dick.

And if you ARE this person in question, Im sorry and uhhh.. please block us, we respectfully want nothing to do with you or our abuser.

- Robert Lanyon (not the one in our profile description, I'm a different alter)