How to breathe correctly

Fall over. 

The floor is safer. Maintain four points of contact at all times. 

Raise yourself a little bit, on your elbows, to open up your chest.

Let your mouth hang open, don't worry about the drool. Feel your cheeks hanging from your face. 

Now breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth, like your doctor taught you.

Focus on breathing. 

Obsess over your breathing. 

Make your whole life about breathing, motionless on the floor, and never do anything else ever again.