I Dont believe in Love anymore

honestly???

today was probably one of the most messed up days i've ever had when it comes to love, relationships, and all that stupid stuff.

seriously.

i got absolutely destroyed.

the girl i used to date turned out to be a complete liar. a lot of things make sense now, and honestly? i wish they didn't. sometimes i'd rather stay confused than find out the truth.

and as if that wasn't enough...

my friend wants distance from me now.

idk if i did something wrong.

idk if i'm annoying.

idk if he just needs space.

all i know is that it hurts way more than i thought it would.

and the cherry on top?

one of my friends already knew about everything.

everything.

and nobody told me.

:D

great.

awesome.

love that for me.

i'm so tired.

i'm tired of seeing the same faces every day.

i'm tired of feeling like i'm always the last person to know what's going on.

i'm tired of getting attached to people.

i'm tired of hoping things will get better and then watching everything fall apart right in front of me.

lately i've been looking around school and feeling like i don't belong there anymore.

every hallway.

every classroom.

every conversation.

it all feels the same.

like i'm trapped in some loop i can't escape from.

part of me just wants to disappear from all of it.

not literally.

i just want out.

i want to finish school, get my diploma, leave, and never look back.

maybe that's what i'll do.

maybe i'll stop wasting energy on people who clearly don't care as much as i do.

maybe i'll just focus on passing my classes and getting out of here.

because right now?

i'm exhausted.

i'm disappointed.

i'm angry.

and honestly...

i feel completely alone.

idk.

cuz today really sucked.

 you know what?

fuck this.

seriously.

fuck this entire fucking day.

i'm so goddamn tired of everything.

i'm angry.

like genuinely fucking angry.

the kind of angry where your chest feels heavy.

the kind of angry where every little noise pisses you off.

the kind of angry where you just want everyone to shut the fuck up and leave you alone.

because honestly?

i can't take much more of this shit.

i trusted people.

i cared about people.

i gave a shit.

and what did i get back?

confusion.

lies.

disappointment.

more fucking disappointment.

i'm sick of it.

i'm sick of pretending i'm okay.

i'm sick of pretending things don't bother me.

i'm sick of acting nice when everything inside my head is screaming.

so if i'm being honest?

right now i don't want advice.

i don't want fake sympathy.

i don't want people telling me everything happens for a reason.

i don't want people talking over me.

i don't want people acting like they know what's best for me.

just shut the fuck up.

please.

for once.

just let me fucking talk.

and then leave me alone.

because i'm so close to losing my shit.

i don't believe in love anymore.

at least not today.

i don't believe in promises.

i don't believe in forever.

and i definitely don't believe in the bullshit people keep feeding me.

every time i start trusting someone, something goes wrong.

every fucking time.

and i'm tired.

so fucking tired.

i'm tired of getting attached.

i'm tired of hoping.

i'm tired of caring more than everyone else.

i'm tired of feeling like an idiot for believing people.

from now on?

fuck it.

fuck expectations.

fuck drama.

fuck all the games people play.

fuck all the lies.

fuck all the fake smiles.

fuck all the fake promises.

i don't care what your gender is.

i don't care what your skin color is.

i don't care what religion you follow.

i don't care where you're from.

if you're gonna treat people like shit, then fuck off.

simple as that.

right now i just want peace.

i want silence.

i want everyone to get out of my face for a while.

because i'm exhausted.

angry.

disappointed.

and honestly?

i don't even recognize myself today.

maybe tomorrow i'll calm down.

maybe i'll look back at this and cringe.

but right now?

i'm pissed the fuck off.