I don’t think people actually see me as a boy

This is the one of the things I hate about being transgender. People can call you by the right name and pronouns but they still categorise you as the gender you’re not. I keep getting bought feminine ass things, treated like a girl, and my family still calls me by my old pronouns. I’m not a woman. I’m a man. They treat me like I’m some secret third thing or like I’m a woman who uses he/him pronouns. They say say that I ‘want’ to be a boy. No, you absolute Neanderthal, I AM a boy. 

I’m not treated the same as my two cisgender brothers. I’m not fully seen as a man. My math teacher, who I do genuinely like, asked me if I was going to wear a dress for a non-uniform day. Who asks a boy that? I think being trans hurts a lot more when you ask yourself that. 

I am a feminine man, I’ll admit. I do wear jewellery, I don’t play sports, I don’t roughhouse with my brothers and friends, and I am weaker due to my disability. But I’m still… a man. A boy. But I’m not treated just like a cisgender boy would be, even if they did wear jewellery. A boy who DID wear make-up and dresses and all of that would be treated more like who he is if he was cisgender, than me. I hate it.

I’ve also been generally feeling more dysphoric over my waist/chest/genitalia recently so it just hits harder. I hate being trans along with everything else I am. Being all of the things I am makes me feel like some deformed mimic of the actual person I was meant to be. I feel like a warped clay figure. No wonder I relate to Frankenstein’s Monster so much, I don’t feel real. At least dysphoria leads to euphoria.