This is mostly targeted towards my parents and their stupid partners
I’ve always had not non-existent, but very selective empathy. I care for the people in Gaza and Afghanistan and I somewhat care for animals, and I do have small amounts of empathy from seeing how people may be suffering in their perspective (for example, my father and I both have NPD, or at least he has a lot of narcissistic traits. So even though he’s extremely abusive I do feel some weird empathy for symptoms of narcissistic collapse because ive went through it twice and it sucked.) But I can also feel very little cognitive and emotional empathy at times, even though I would say I am a little more of an empathetic person than I make myself out to be.
Since I cannot feel love or connection, I can only vaguely imagine the harm I’ve done to others. I was going out one day to get a hot chocolate with my dad; not only did he change the plans to go into town to get the drink rather than going to Costa like what I agreed to, he brought his girlfriend. She was sitting… in the passenger seat. Where I love to sit. Now, I understand I could have just went along with it, but I had a whole plan in my head of ‘look outside of the window while we drive around IN THE FRONT SEAT while drinking my hot chocolate’. That was my plan. And it was broken. Of course my dad isn’t attentive enough to recognise, but I only accept to go and do things with others for the car ride. So I said ‘I didn’t know she was going to be here’… and other stuff like that and that I wanted to go home because my plan was broken.
Apparently my dad’s girlfriend cried after that because she didn’t think I liked her. I don’t understand it. If I was her I would have said that I was an autistic bitch and move on with my life… why did she cry over the opinion of a 14 year old boy? I’m confused. It’s not even that I dislike her, I just didn’t want her to be there.
And my mum’s boyfriend didn’t want to come over because I acted bad to my mum. The most I do is talk to her a little rudely hecause she is ableist, transphobic and constantly aggressive towards me. I guess she could have told him about the time I packed my bags twice to try and leave the house but I did that because of her shitty behaviour and because my father, while still being abusive, was bad. I understand that was bad from her perspective. She said on a call at like, 1AM after that that I was ‘going to end up hurting people’. I already have… due to the abuse and neglect from both you and my father. And I’ve stopped being toxic towards others and acting like that without your help too. So what’s that meant to mean?
I don’t know why people act as if I’m one of those teenagers that hit their parents and sneak out and ACTUALLY act terrible. I’m not a demon, I’m a kid with a personality disorder. Get over it.
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Nimediapresentations
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Sorry if it sounds like I am defending your father's girlfriend, but of course she would feel that way. I would feel that way if I were in her position and you said that. I probably would not break down in tears, but I would still feel confused, and I would ask "why did he say that? Does he just want some father/son time?" Did you talk to your dad about it? Again, a thing is, we are all selfish in the very end and are always trying to get what we want.
Why did your dad's girlfriend get emotional? Well, probably because some people are naturally more shy and sensitive than others. Women are often more emotional than men. You made her feel unwanted and confused.
So talk to both of them about it. As for your dad ignoring your plans, that is what parents do. I am in my forties, dad is in his eighties, and he still does it to me. It is frustrating, I know. But talk to him about it. If you tell your father, "Dad, I don’t think your girlfriend is a bad person, but I really wanted some alone time with you," he will understand. He will feel needed and get emotional in a positive way.
✰ Kiara ✰
I can see both sides. I am quite an emotional person, so if I was in your dad's gf's position I would've been upset too. But knowing that you have a personality disorder and bad parents makes your reactions/responses understandable. Tone also matters a lot, you can say 'why is she here' in both a rude way and a curious way, and judging by how you emphasized she, it was the rude way, which probably lead to her crying. And the fact that you said it in front of her is more rude too.
I would suggest to try an not let these small things like a change of plan affect your mood/tone too much, but I'm guilty of it too sometimes. I'm not trying to be mean here btw, just stating my point of view. I can't say much about you mom, though, don't have much experience with that kind of person.
Yeah, I did feel quite mean when I said it. I did try to not be too mean with it but I wanted to show my discomfort to my father. I think I need to learn to actually like people, but I’ll never like my father, so we’re kind of at a standstill
by victorisavampire; ; Report
美奈子ヨ多摩市
What do we do with this now?
no idea. ive been detaching from my parents to deal with these situations less just because I don’t want to have a positive relationship with them due to how shitty they are so hopefully that works. If I never talk to them i can’t hurt them
by victorisavampire; ; Report