I think i finally know what i identify as

Like the title said I think im genderqueer so basically I don't necessarily identify as male or female or I can be both which is the closest thing to what I feel

For the longest time I was pretty confused with my gender identity I didn't hate being a female but I also felt like im more than just female 

Even for pronouns I dont really have a stable pronoun so I don't mind being a he she they whatever 

But I was still considering my identity and what I truly am ive always felt like more than a gender specifically I dont care if u think im a girl or a boy or anything else if that makes any sense 

So obviously in that case im not cisgender and that's what ive been trying to find out for some time, I didn't really identify as nonbinary exactly and I guess I didn't bother to look more into this whole thing anyways so I was just left with confusing thoughts and feelings and I tried to not think about it much 

I honestly found out by reading a reddit post someone was explaining being gender queer and I was like damn that is lowkey me and so I researched more about it and it really clicked for me

I also found out im definitely gender non conforming ive always knew this i just didn't know it had a label like this

I never cared about looking like a girl or a boy I just wanted to look like me, feel like me, and be ME 

And I think gender queer IS ME!!!

Im already bisexual and I've always knew that but I just now am finding out i do fall under the gender queer label aswell, I was already struggling with being bi because its a crime in my country to love same sex people and its very openly hated 

And ive been hurting alot from being closeted for so long and no one knows about my bisexuality not friends not family nobody which is really isolating and I already have a crush on a girl and I just know I don't have a chance at all so I just yearn everyday about it

But now that iam gender queer I feel both great and happy and like ive found myself but I feel sad alienated and suppressed because I cannot tell anybody for my safety and now its even more hard and scary to hide it 

Im already planning to emigrate somewhere else safer for me but its not a 100% perfect plan because it has alot of work and disadvantages to it which is scaring me even more what if I stay here forever?

But anyways I don't really know what to feel but I guess im proud of myself for finding myself