I Tried Teleporting To You, But I Just Fell Off The Bed.

My writing’s not becoming apathetic because it’s about you, it’s becoming less inspired because my words that take the shape of laments are no longer in that shape. I know what I want, and it’s all you. I want your time, I want your love, and I want your attention. I crave every aspect of you that you could possibly offer me. Once an absolution is met, that palpable confusion and emotion I felt is no longer a thing. I think the reason why my writing becomes less inspired when I’m feeling good is that I’m used to channeling all of my emotions onto page when they’re negative, and I’ve never really known how to properly express positive emotions, so let’s try, and you can tell me how I did later.

I’m locked for another 10 years minimum, that’s what you said, and you already know I’m not going to argue with you. Why would I? I’m right where I want to be, and I don’t plan on leaving at all. Why would I ever give this up? I’ve never felt my body turn for the desire of another's touch, but now I have, and I’m kind of conflicted about it. I feel weird about it, sure. But it's human, and as much as I deny that about myself, I am just as human as you are. It's something I can’t help. I want you to wrap your arms around me and whisper sweet nothings in my ears. I want you to put your fingers in my hair and let me fall asleep like that.

I’m trying to speak more confidently for you. I know you don’t like me being vague with my words, but I only do that because it’s so hard to address you directly. I hide behind pronouns and act like these papers are written in a way for other people to understand, but really, they’re all for you. Maybe that person was right, maybe I’m putting you on a pedestal, either way, it doesn’t matter to me. How I see you is definite, and that doesn’t change whether or not it’s just how I see you or how you actually are. Don’t doubt yourself, you really are amazing, Kate.

“You, as strange as angels.”

You know, I didn’t even listen to The Cure that much before, but in the past few weeks, Just Like Heaven has been a recurring track.