there's this itching sensation, in the back of my head, between my brain and my skull. its agonizing and unquenchable, painful with it's urgency.
though i can't see it, i know exactly what it is from the last time i tugged it to the front of my mind.
its love, but not the good kind. its the kind of love that i can never have. well... i didn't inspect the itch for long enough, not before shoving it back down under the skin of my nape, so im not actually sure if its something i can't have. maybe she does want me back, but even then, it won't be the love i have.
the love i have is all-consuming of my character. its animalistic, terrible, like im drowning. i can't breathe without her near, but i think her presence would be the thing to kill me, with this love pacing around my body like a time bomb. its the best thing ive ever had, but its the worst, too.
who knows how many girls are at her new school, who also love her like this? the thought itself makes me furious.
but beneath the red clouding my vision, there is fear. horrible, frantic fear that makes me want to tear my own eyes out. to pop them like grapes, to treasure the gray marbled liquid in my hands like liquid gold and pour it into her mouth. to quench her thirst with the knowledge of how i see her.
to give her all that i am.
i would do that again and again if it would make her happy. one flicker of desire in her eyes when she swallows my own would cause me to do the same again and again.
lacking my eyes, id go after my lungs next. chew a hole into each lung and hold them up for her to inhale my oxygen.
i imagine the sensation wouldn't be much different than the one i get when she steals my breath in conversation, with her laugh and her eyes.
id give her every one of the organs in my body until i am a flat carpet of skin for her to walk on.
then i would die happy, and go through the same routine in my next lifetime. for love like mine, there is no other way to live.
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