im 80% sure I have brain damage

I think a mix of chronic stress, oxygen deprivation, and head injuries has made my brain degenerate. I hate talking about this but I need to make a blog about it

I’ve been emotionally, sexually, verbally and a few times physically abused by my parents. They still abuse me today. I’ve been living on nothing but stress since I came out of the womb and that, along with smaller things, has made me have the nervous system of a horse with PTSD. I think all the stress has rotted my brain a little. 

One time as a child my mother pushed me to the floor for not being able to find my father’s money that I must have somehow taken. It was quite harsh. I fainted in the shower once — my mother was once again there and she didn’t help — and I’ve fainted outside of a shop, and I still have the scar from it on my chin and hands. 

And.. guess where the oxygen deprivation comes from? I only mention it in every blog like an attention seeker.

I think all of this combined has made my mind into a dissociative vegetable and I feel terrible. I’m a smart person, incredibly smart, but I feel like I’m not reaching my full potential due to my brain. I stumble over words and I struggle to put sentences together in a way that makes sense, I might have the slightest speech problem, I can’t coordinate myself a lot and I bump into things semi-often, I struggle with doing anything that takes actual effort that I’m not guided through. I’m going to try and get myself to be less dull in the head by playing sudoku and reading more. Hopefully having to deliver stuff for vinted will help me feel more awake too. 

I just feel like my brain is incredibly blurry, or foggy, and like I can hardly put two thoughts together. I just want to sleep forever. I hate how I get burnt out so easily. I wish I could just do things and be conscious with it rather than being so empty and dim.