I’m a hypocrite. I’m SORRY.

I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it on here before (too busy complaining about everything else) but I am antitheist. I hate all organised religion and I think it’s stupid. Paganism, abrahamic and everything else, I think it’s idiotic. I believe that people should take comfort in that are real, or plainly fictional; not something that is objectively not real that needs you to act like it’s real anyways.

I am also an occultist. Alchemy, Gnosticism, hermeticism, astrology, all of it is mine. I also like talking about the spiritual sciences and my beliefs are even Jungian in some areas… I believe in quantum immorality, the collective unconscious, the 4th dimension, different frequencies that we can tune into. I also believe in some conspiracy theories that tie back into my spiritual beliefs. 

Delusion, also, has always been something I’ve had. As a child I had an overactive imagination and, mixed with abuse and looking at scary things on the internet, made me feel as if I was constantly being watched and hunted, and I would have to hide under my duvet with barely any air to fall asleep. I was a very scared child. And even now I have paranormal thoughts; 2-3 years ago I thought the clouds communicated with me and that the ‘gods’ were angry at me (I don’t and have never believed in a god since I was like. 5) and i was very paranoid over it. I thought the cats and barn owls outside of my house were howling spirits, I thought my cat was a skinwalker, I get scared that my spirit guides are malicious and want to make my life a living hell, I’ve felt spirits in my room, I had a small relationship with a probably demonic spirit and I HATED it, I once believed that I found the secret to evolution and that I was born to research Saturn since I believed it was hell (I wonder where I got that from…yuck). I’ve probably had more odd beliefs like these but I can’t remember them. 

I think delusion.. may be one of the reasons why I am so into occultism, and why I believe all of the things I do. I might make a list of my beliefs later but it’s a very intimate part of myself. But I feel so correct. Yes, we ARE all connected and part of the collective unconscious, the Monad, god is consciousness and ‘the spectator’, yes fourth dimensional spirits are real, yes to all of it. I think this is why I come off as quite religious sometimes, because in a way, I am. I’m very spiritual and I do believe in a ‘god’, but he is me and he is us and he is not supreme he just is and he is the soul within me and I am god and we all have a little bit of god inside of us. God isn’t even the right name for what I believe in. 

But yeah. Basically I’m… kind of a hypocrite, because I’m kind of theist? The more I talk about my beliefs to people the more I realise I sound insane. Whatever, I’m more anti-organised religion than I am 100% antitheist. I’ll still call myself antitheist for simplicity though.