im going to be good to him

After my past mistakes I really want to prove that I can actually maybe love people. I feel like an utter piece of shit for being unable to feel anything for others, not doing anything for others, and just being a very odd and not-nice person. I’m writing this while dizzy so ignore bad grammar. 

I want to test, to see if I can really person rather than this ungodly creature of experience, of pain and of whatever else.. normalcy and good health is something I have never in my life experienced and I almost hate it because it feels too generic. but maybe I can try. 

i have a boyfriend somehow and he’s so pretty and I want to actually.. not be a creepy creature from the depths of the fucking Mariana Trench for a moment . i yearn to feel normal for a little second even in the wretchedness of my existence. i can hopefully treat him good. treat SOMEONE like they’re meant to be treated, something I am notorious for not being able to do due to a lack of connection and emotional intelligence. i shall wrap us up in a blanket and give us hot chocolate and I’ll pet his hair and I’ll give him money and I’ll give him advice and I’ll save him from his despair and I’ll kiss him and I’ll devour him with my sharp teeth meant for biting and killing. but I’ll be good for once first. 

hopefully this goes well ❓ sorry for the ramble ive been feeling so alterhuman recently I don’t feel human whatsoever.. I feel like a serpent with wide eyes and a twisting winding body wrapping around boyfriend. whatever. this is monster x human guys