i'm transgender and i don't know what to do

hi guys. i might have been a woman the last time you heard from me.

i'm transgender. i'm transgender and i don't know what to do.

because i was told to my face by my mother, "i'll never let you transition."

i'm scared about what'll happen if my mother finds out. if i do transition. 

but i'm scared about what would happen to me if i didn't transition.

i don't wanna live with dysphoria. i don't wanna live with transphobia either. i don't wanna disappoint my parents, but i don't wanna live a lie.

i'm just really confused and scared, i feel like i won't be happy either way

sure, i can go to school masc presenting and take it all off before i get home, try to just tell my parent's i'm a "tomboy", but then there comes times where gender becomes relevant in conversation and social situations and my parents call me my deadname and my teachers call me a deadname and everyday all i hear is "she" and "you're a girl" "you're a woman"

it feels less like a gender identity and more like a curse that has been imposed upon me

if i could choose cis, i would've.

i've tried.

but it didn't work. now i'm here.

what do I do now?