Love and passion

i catch myself zoning out a lot thinking about random stuff, and one thing i keep thinking about is a really close friend of mine.

honestly, i don't even understand myself anymore. i can't tell if i like him just as a friend, or if it's something more than that. maybe both? i really need to learn how to control myself sometimes lol.

there are moments where he catches me staring at him with the most obvious lovestruck face ever >///< and i immediately look away like nothing happened lmao.

it's kinda weird too because i don't really get along with his family at all, and i don't even know what it is about him exactly, but every single time i see him or spend time with him, my heart just feels... happier.

i deal with depression and some other mental stuff. i struggle a lot with anger, mood swings, and maybe even autism? (just based on signs and family history, i've never actually been diagnosed with anything.)

but somehow, when i'm around him, everything feels quieter.

he makes me calmer.

and even if he doesn't always show it in obvious ways, i know he cares about me. in his own little way, he does.

idk...

all i know is that i love him a lot. ;_;

<3