Love—a mini rant

I wish I knew what it felt like to be in love or have a crush. Or, better yet—have someone have a crush or be in love with me. Being on either side of love sounds so interesting to me and I wish I could experience it with someone. Now I know that it happens to most people eventually, but I feel like I’m missing out on a part of teenage-hood while my peers pair off together. Online and irl I’ve observed that people seem really happy in their relationships, and I’d like to feel that same happiness. It doesn’t even have to be romantic love or crush either. Genuine and platonic friendships is something I lack and having been lacking. Idk if it’s because I’m autistic or what but I find myself struggling to connect with anyone on that deep of a level. It doesn’t help that I have zero friends or even acquaintances, so that adds an extra layer of loneliness. Idk maybe im the problem because I don’t talk to people unless they talk to me first IRL (which never happens) so I’m basically sabotaging myself out of meaningful connections with others lol.