me need non thinky thinky ways of doing things

i cant make music when i wanna, i cant draw or write or make photos because it aint fun and i suck donkeyhog at games and kinda everything, now im desperate to look for a form of expression where i dont have to pay money or be ultra mega creative because depression and cptsd n trauma yadda yadda for sure severed the "creative" part of my brain at this point and made most things not fun anymore. i really want to punch something over and over but my hand would ouch so i cant. ive been living the same 2 days for like 20 years  help me 🐧🐧🐧🐧