More ranting about sexuality cuz why is this shit so confusing

Like seriously! Idk wtf I am, idk if I even wanna know. But hey, maybe you people can try and help me figure this out?? Whateva, I feel like ranting about it anyways, but yalls input would be appreciated!

So like, I definitley like dudes. Its cut and dry. I dont wanna, but what can I say, theyre hot. I only wish all the guys I know werent EVIL.

Everyone else its a different story. I havent really met enough nonbinary ppl to have an opinion on em. Girls is a whole fuckin different confusing ballgame, and I'm never sure if I actually like them or not. Girls r very hot. But idk if I personally wanna fuck them? I often think about this one girl that I used to like, but she lives states away. That's another thing, I feel almost pansexual on the internet lol but when it comes to interest irl its almost exclusively guys. But like, thats not me saying me liking girls long distance is larp! I was OBSESSED with this girl both romantically and sexually. But i can't help but think that if we had ever met in person, I might not feel the same.

Romance in and of itself is a beast. I often get crushes that go away once I get to know the person, to the point I'm repulsed by the idea of dating them. I'm also REALLY BAD at defining wtf romance is to me. I really do not understand the difference between a romantic interest and a good friend that u wanna fuck. I mean on paper I do but I feel like irl its the same thing.

I'm also realizing things about my gender that are making some feelings I have make more sense to me. I think I may be both a girl and agender at the same time? That might explain why, when I do imagine myself with girls, I sometimes will imagine myself as the man in the relationship, both literally and/or figuratively.

But idk. Still nothing makes sense! I think I may be abro, but thats a VERY loose label atp. I could also see myself being heteroflexible. But like, weirdly, sometimes I WANNA be in love with a girl, even tho it rarely happens. I mean, I wanna be in love at all for starters lol. But all of this is so strange and confusing! Idk what to think!