My miniscule parasocial crush

Sooo umm a few months ago I went to my exams to the school I'll go to and there was this guy and um um...

GAYGAYGAY

So time 4 the full story, itz not that long so stick around:

It was the day for English exams. Ez as hell, rite, I mean I wouldn't be writing a blog here otherwise. Anygays, the school I'm going to is for loads of different fields so there was loads of different people. Each teacher was holding a sign for which classroom will each group of students take exams in. I couldn't find mine (because the teach wuz L8 BRUH) so I just leaned on some railing and that's when I saw him. Next to me.

A slightly longer buzz-cut, baggy streatwear, mildly soaked from dangling down to the puddles rain left on the front gate tiles. The sun gave his brown skin cinematic golden hour lighting, even though it was long before the sun could go down. He was beautiful. 

I was one hell of a scaredy cat and besides that, I didn't look nearly the way I wanted to look by the time I get to that school. I had but to hope that we get grouped on the exams. 

We got grouped! So I eagerly followed the teacher to the classroom. I sat in the row behind him, two seats to the left. I put my earpods away in case anything about him was said. He was one of the few people to be spoken to and I found out he's going to a different field than I am. But we finished our work similarly fast, so if he makes it to this school we will likely be on the same skill group, so we could see eachother like 3 days a week. That's really good. 

As from body language and the way he reacted to instructions, he doesn't seem to be a dinglebutt, I hope I'm not wrong about that. 

Does a trans dude have a chance with a boy of a very discriminated and extremely uncommon race in this country? Boy between a boy? Maybe. I really hope so. If not, I'll be able to live without him but I think it's not impossible. I want a boyfriend as beautiful and glorious as this boy I'm talking about. Hope I'll be able to get to know him, hope he'll be nice, hope it could work between us.

For the following segment trigger warning for descriptions and mentions of Transphobia, violent bullying, suicidal ideation, domestic verbal abuse and probably abelism. If you want to skip continue to the green text

One big issue is that some DUMBDUMBDUMBDUMB "PSYCHIATRIST" told me to eff off with  being trans and because she told my mom what she wants to hear, that she has ADHD-I, whereas I have ADHD-I too and not ADHD-C despite all the friggin obvious symptoms, she believed her. So I won't be presenting in the way I feel is comfortable and I'll burn in friggin hell because "being trans is distracting" apparently because I'll get bullied. I took a stab in the back in the most literal meaning possible, had my head hit against floors and walls all by bullying. My mother verbally abuses me almost every single day to the point of wanting to either run away or kill myself. I've gotten used to a mean words from teenagers, they could hit me as much as I wanted and I would have still minded it less than when my mother would degrade me for not doing something above average. If I won't be able to be in my own comfortable self which is linked to me possibly being boyfriends with this beautiful boy, I'll want to kick the chair above the rope my parents and that pathetic unqualified excuse of a therapist tied. 

In other words, unless my parents don't gain a sudden hit of empathy, I should probably stay with this drop dead glorious boy only in my fantasies