not "looking nonbinary"

Honestly I kinda feel done calling myself nonbinary bc it's not like anyone cares (except for eclisene I lava you...). I mean, I don't "dress nonbinary" or whatever that's meant to mean, I literally just do what I want and I hate gender so much and I try to explain this to people but ahaha 😂 Like I'm not gonna conform to someone's version of being nonbinary just so I'm plausible in one person's eyes like what.

Isn't a side of being nonbinary not fitting into whatever gender even is and how it's enforced...

I'm not even super worried about people calling me "they", it's mainly that I don't want to be perceived the way I am but like it's gonna be that way nonetheless since I don't "look nonbinary" enough 😂 and I guess that's my conflict with saying I'm nonbinary in the first place idk.

Also, I feel like when I tell someone I'm nonbinary (when they ask), they really emphasize the way they say the pronouns.. Like they don't really treat them as the pronouns you call someone by how you perceive them at first, and the way they say it is always like a punch. Like they drag out how they say "they".... (honestly there's a specific person at my school like this). It feels like my identity is fake and I kinda don't even like hearing some people at my school call me "they" bc of how fake it sounds to me... This is just a personal thing though, does anyone get what I mean 😭

Idk I just wanna live my life without expectations is that too much to ask for