nothing and everything

i want to hold onto nothing related to you, i want to rip your memory to shreds to stop loving you so much. or the idea of you. i hate how there is nothing in the world i want more than you and nothing more i want less than the same. at this point i know its hopeless, to never move on from another of whom you hope to hate. i know another may never hold me, and i know another will hold you. im too difficult for anyone to catch, too hard to keep within a paddock. 

theres nothing more in the world that i want than you, other than to move on. its not funny to see the icon defining your activity flashing into my irises every night, to know that you see me looking at your stories even though i cut that tie long ago. i vomit up the toxins from my body onto a computer screen, always a desperate call for your voice. im sick of it. im so sick of how bad i want you. i hate you. 

put down the fucking pills, dump that bottle down the gutter and crush your ipod under the tires of your car. i wanted to learn how the backseat of your car folded down into a bed. 

i am weak to you.