People I wouldn't let into my bunker during a nuclear war

Currently I've been watching gameplay videos of 60 Seconds, and considering the protagonist took his whole family (which obviously was a liability, since there were four of them and they even sheltered strangers), I thought to myself there'd be much better people to live with in a small, disturbing space like that — but we'll bear in mind they were all, again, family. Shooters, pharmacists, uh, healthy young adults — all of those are clearly good options for company inside a bunker, but you don't get to choose. So if there's a nuclear war, I'll let whoever I damn well please into my bunker — except for a few specific people

· Some Evangelicals... Nasty pieces of work

    Having religious types knocking on my door every Sunday and telling me I'm hell-bound if I don't attend their church is already offensive (yep, I'm a delicate flower), plus dealing with certain relatives who swear blind that the state of violence, natural causes and prominent personal problems are all heralding Jesus's return is mind-numbingly tedious. If it's hard to put up with now that we're "okay", just imagine it in a war, with everyone trapped in a small space, and definitely no easy access to headphones?

· People who've just got piercings

    Body piercings are aesthetic choices and it's up to the individual, and nobody's important enough to say whether your piercing is nice or not; either way, looking after that kind of modification requires aftercare, and my dear sister didn't much bother with it when she got her navel pierced, and it went exactly how you'd expect: her navel swelled up, oozed pus, and the smell was awful — at the end of the world there probably won't be medication to treat a piercing, I reckon

· Hardcore Beatles and Eminem fans

    The whole chat about Yoko being a madwoman who ruined the band is so worn out it's basically a circle-jerk now; same goes for Eminem's feud with Mariah Carey. Oh, and of course The Beatles are angels, the best rock band in the world, thanks for the information. What? Eminem is a fucking brilliant rapper who outclasses everyone? Sure thing, anonymous

· Property Brothers

    They're very tall. Tall people take up space. Next question

· Parents of boa constrictors, pugs, tarantulas, rams and rabbits (not counting mine)

All of the above are either unsettling, really noisy, or shit like there's no tomorrow. I'd never mistreat those animals, but they're not coming into my cellar, sorry

· Devout gym-goers

    It's funny because there was a time I was obsessed with bodybuilding and that sort of thing (unfortunately I didn't gain a single muscle), so no matter what happened or what people said, I'd just carry on with my workout, so this isn't even a dig at gym rats. I mean, the scene of a group of survivors fighting over the last of the supplement while some randomer does press-ups against the wall is a funny one