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i now remember this one moment closer to the end of the party where me and her finally went downstairs from our quiet corner up on the balcony. half the people had left at this point and i decided fuck it i would go take a big hit of gas. 

I stood there in the middle of the room and she approached me and just stood there in front of me looking me in the eyes. all of a sudden the gas hit and its like i just deflated in my own body and the whole world was just flickering in and out of existence like a fluorescent light and i remember her grabbing me by the shoulders and stabilizing me gently and she asked if i felt okay and i just nodded. 

I just envisioned all the times in the past when i had taken whatever stupid substances or overdosed. saw all the moments when i watched the world slip away and i expected to die there trapped alone in my own body and mind. although this was no overdose and i was hardly high, someone was there this time. instead of some night sky as my vision went black, i saw a sweet face. 

she held onto my shoulder as she guided me to the couch to sit down. something about that was so sweet to me